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User blog:Pygmy Hippo 2/Slasher Villains vs. Tundra Carnivores
Slasher Villains (Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Leatherface) vs. Tundra Carnivores (Siberian Tiger, Polar Bear, and Leopard Seal) is a What-If DBX by Pygmy Hippo 2 that is in blog format because it's too absurd for a regular page. Description After defeating the Virtual Psychos, the Slasher Villains are now on vacation in a snowy resort. Little do they know that the Tundra Carnivores inhabit the nearby forest and ice and they don't take kindly to visitors. Seriously though, I just think that slashers fighting carnivores is awesome and hilarious. DBX It had been a week since the Virtual Psychos' demise which resulted in the museum burning down and the crime still baffled the authorities. The Slasher Villains were miraculously somehow all alive again and were staying in a log cabin with a warm fireplace and one window. "Why the hell are we staying here?! This better not be another team battle from that Hippo loser..." Leatherface grunted to alert Freddy Krueger in his armchair and Jason Voorhees laying in bed to what was outside the window. The three went outside to see three wild animals snarling at them before going in opposite directions. "I'm too old for this crap..." Freddy teleported in a burst of flame after the Siberian Tiger which had leapt into the forest, Jason vanished into mist after the Polar Bear which had run deeper into the tundra, and Leatherface ran after the outline of something under the ice after the Leopard Seal dived into the water. Here we goooo! Krueger found himself in the middle of a clearing in the trees where he immediately set all of the foliage ablaze with hellfire. "Try hiding now, Tom." Freddy chuckled darkly at his joke only to hear the snow crunch behind him and turned around to get a Tiger roaring in his face. The big cat pounced on the Dream Demon sending him flying backwards into a log where the Amur proceeded to claw the Nightmare's face with both of his paws only to get stabbed in the gut with the clawed glove. Freddy lifted the Tiger up and off of him with his blades before slamming him hard back-first onto the ground with the blades still in him. "I'm a little bit tougher than a mouse or bird, Sylvester!" The Springwood slasher pulled the blades out and kicked the Siberian carnivore down a nearby hill causing him to roar in pain. Krueger followed with an evil grin as he changed his blades into syringes before the Amur chomped down on his leg and broke a bone, causing him to topple over next to the animal. "You'll pay for that, bitch!" The Tiger smashed the syringes next with a paw before clawing Freddy's eyes out, making him cry out in pain and clutch his bleeding face. The Amur climbed a nearby tree and got onto a branch above the Dream Demon as he finally regenerated his eyes and stood back up only to get his back pounced on and slammed into the forest floor. The Siberian predator raked his claws across Krueger's back before being forced back by a burst of hellfire that he rolled around to put out. Freddy reappeared behind the Tiger and used his telekinesis to slam his head into a nearby tree and continued it with every one in the clearing until the beast finally went limp. "Pinball's still as fun as I remember..." The Nightmare wasted no time in leaping at the fallen big cat with his clawed glove outstretched only for it to get stuck in the ground. The battered Siberian carnivore had regained consciousness just in time to roll out of the way and cut the the slasher's arm to the bone with his claws which unfortunately gave him the boost needed to free the glove. Freddy attempted to stab with the blades but the Tiger was faster and sunk his teeth into the Dream Demon's arm before tearing it off at the elbow. "Gah! My arm!" The Dream Demon knew he was in trouble now and punched the Amur in the snout which only saved him for a moment before the big cat's jaws sank into his hand next. Krueger was brought to his knees by the pain and was now face-to-face with the roaring Siberian predator whose open jaws were the last thing he saw as all went black and his body was torn to shreds by sharp teeth and claws. Voorhees glared at the Bear which was standing on his hind legs and growling at him in the middle of the ice plains. Jason pulled out a spear gun and fired at the Nanook who got back on all four paws and rushed his bipedal foe as the harpoon flew over his back. The white bear tackled the undead goalie in an attempt to knock him over but the unstoppable killer gripped the Ursus maritimus' throat tightly to prevent him from biting him before stabbing his machete into his animal opponent. The Bear pushed Jason back with his paws, leaving deep cuts on the slasher's torso with his claws in the process, and rose up on his hind legs once more to swing at his bipedal opponent’s head. The undead goalie soon realized that he had only injured the Nanook's shoulder as he staggered back from two blows before catching his animal foe's paw in his fist on the third swing. Voorhees slammed the Polar predator onto the ground side-first but despite the harsh impact, Ursus maritimus proceeded to wrap his jaws around the unstoppable killer's torso and squeeze. Jason slammed a fist on the Bear's head to stop that but the broken ribs didn't actually bother him that much and he pulled out a fence post as the animal held his head with his paws. The undead goalie took a stab at the Nanook but he reared up just in time to land with both his paws on the fence post and break the makeshift spear in half. Voorhees simply chucked the broken weapon and catched the Polar carnivore's paws before his claws could reach his face and the unstoppable killer was in a familiar tug of war. However he maneuvered Ursus maritimus into stepping on his previously placed bear trap and the Bear roared in pain before Jason yanked his machete out and swung at the beast's torso. That crimson mark was followed up with one around the Nanook's neck as he fell backwards, looking up only to see a machete being held with two hands approaching his face. Ki ki ki, ma ma ma... But Voorhees wasn't expecting the Polar predator to bite the blade that soon sank into his cheeks but the animal wouldn't let go of the slasher's blade. Jason attempted to put more force onto the machete but the Bear's large claws dug into his side and pulled him down to the ground. The blade was knocked aside by the Nanook as he pressed down onto the unstoppable killer's chest with both paws as his head shot forwards. Voorhees had his head bitten down on and punctured by sharp teeth while the Polar predator had a machete stabbed through his chest before the ice cap collapsed and both fell into the frigid waters below. Bubba Sawyer had been running for several minutes and had managed to lose the shadow underneath the ice but luckily for him, the Seal barked at him from a couple feet away. The cannibalistic butcher's chainsaw roared to life as he gave chase once more to the Hydrurga leptonyx who began to turn around and quickly drag her body away in an attempt to flee. Of course, the Leopard pinniped was much slower than Leatherface and he would have been hacking her open in one more step...if she hadn't dived into a hole in the ice to escape. Bubba angrily grunted and swung his chainsaw around after looking into the hole for a couple seconds but it was clear he shouldn't have looked away a couple moments after. The Seal's head burst out of the frigid water and her jaws wrapped around the face-collector's leg, pulling him in. Sawyer made a desperate attempt to stay on solid ground by stabbing his chainsaw through the ice but the carnivorous Lobodontini had managed to pull him under by then and dragged him down into the dark depths below the ice. Leatherface's leg was let go of but he knew that he was in a horrible position and fumbled for his mallet-sized sledgehammer and electric knife which was fried, a fact he found out after trying to turn it on several times. He didn't even see the Leopard pinniped rushing out of the shadowy water to chomp down on his hand and she would have bit it off if he hadn't slammed his hammer on her head. Bubba was absolutely terrified and desperately attempted to swim back to the surface but Hydrurga leptonyx bit down on his back and started dragging him down even deeper. The cannibalistic butcher swung blindly backwards as he was starting to drown and only made the Seal apply more pressure with her jaws as her sharp teeth got dangerously close to organs. However desperation is a powerful thing and Sawyer got his last tool out, a meat hook, and drove it deep into the carnivorous Lobodontini's back, getting past her blubber and finally making her let go of him. The face-collector held onto the meat hook and managed to start ascending once more but had to bash the Leopard pinniped's mouth, knocking some teeth out, as she attempted to get at his throat before she tore it out of his hands and he then had to hold her mouth shut, an effort that he was slowly failing in. However Leatherface had managed to finally get out of the water and threw himself and the Hydrurga leptonyx onto the ice once more before reaching for his chainsaw. The Seal bit down on his hand once again and her massive body threatened to break his already injured leg through sheer weight but the cannibalistic butcher yanked the meat hook hard enough to force the beast to let go and threw her off of him. The Leopard Seal defiantly barked as Bubba Sawyer got back up but it soon turned into yelps of pain as his chainsaw tore her belly open and her guts covered the cold ground. Leatherface yelled in victory and raised his chainsaw up into the air as he stood over the bloody carcass of the Leopard Seal before turning around to look for his allies. He noticed the ice had a shore where Jason Voorhees with his skull torn open to reveal his brain and the Polar Bear with a machete not only through his heart but also his back had washed up. But even worse was the bloodstained Siberian Tiger which slowly walked over to him with Freddy Krueger's shredded hat in his mouth. The Tiger dropped it and roared at Bubba who just pointed his chainsaw at the animal and roared back at him before the two began the final battle between slasher and carnivore. The cannibalistic butcher ran at the Amur and swung his chainsaw but the big cat leaped over the blade and raked the face-collector's head with his claws. Sawyer squealed in pain and clutched his head with his injured hand while blindly trying to hit the Siberian predator with his iconic weapon. The Tiger smacked the chainsaw out of Leatherface's hand with his paw before pouncing on the slasher and biting his throat. Bubba smacked the Amur's head repeatedly with his fist, trying to get him to let go of his throat, before finally grabbing an ear and ripping it off. The big cat finally let go of his throat with a roar of pain and the cannibalistic butcher lifted the animal off of him and slammed him onto the ground. Sawyer retrieved his chainsaw and attempted to bring it down on the Siberian carnivore but he dodged everyone of the slasher's blows. Leatherface was growing increasingly frustrated at the predator but also weaker and could only gargle on his own blood as he slowly succumbed to his injuries including a ripped open throat. The Siberian Tiger watched his foe fall down before snarling at the corpse and began dragging it off into the woods for a later meal. THIS DBX'S WINNER IS... The TUNDRA CARNIVORES! Category:Blog posts